Rick Santorum on Climate Change.

Rick Santorum, with the Sister Wives to the right.

Rick Santorum, surging in the polls in Iowa, made a bold prediction concerning climate change.

"Listen, all this nonsense about climate change is just a bunch of baloney.  Every year on Groundhog Day Punxsutawney Phil will either see his shadow, or he won't.  His great insight provides us the tools needed to either prepare for three more months of winter, or prepare for flip-flops and suntan lotion in April.  Punxsutawney Phil is, of course an instrument given to us from God, so he can never be wrong.  I firmly believe Mr. Phil provides greater insight to what's happening to our climate than so-called 'scientists' do." 

When the reporters snickered, Santorum continued his tirade against climate change.  "Laugh all you want, but God wants us to build industries that inspire Americans to great things.  Protecting the environment is going against God's plan.  Listen," Santorum quietly said, motioning for reporters to come in closer, "God spoke to me last night, in a vision.  God said, 'Let every American drive a big truck, and let every truck have Truck Nuts as a sign that they are good and great Americans.  And let the great Groundhog continue to be the cornerstone of predicting the climate.'  Amen." 

A press secretary then ushered Santorum off the stage. 

Punxsutawney Phil.  He doesn't drive angry.

Punxsutawney Phil could not be reached for comment, however his team did provide a press release.  "Though we appreciate Santorum's belief that I am godlike, no moron should take my 'predictions' seriously in some sort of strange attempt to quantify their lack of respect for the scientific community concerning climate change.  Let me handle bizarre local festivals held in Pennsylvania, and let the scientists who actually study this shit do their damn job.  See you on February 2nd!"


We will update you on any other happenings concerning this story as we get closer to February 2nd.