Romney confuses working-class people for zombies

BRAAINS FOR PRESIDENT.

In a serious gaffe, GOP presidential contender Mitt Romney confused zombies, the brain-eating undead, for common working-class people at a campaign stop in Concord, New Hampshire.

"When I was growing up, you know who cleaned my bed?  Zombies.  Who cleans my multiple homes and gigantic estate?  Zombies.  It is great how zombies can work menial jobs, like cashiering and dry-cleaning.  Zombies have an innate ability to ignore the scum and the smell of sewers.  They shine my shoes.  They chauffeur me around and serve me food on plates.  They are a vital part of the American way."

When reporters asked if he really thought cashiers at grocery stores were zombies instead of middle and lower-class individuals, Romney scoffed.  "Of course they are zombies.  No regular American would do such jobs.  I'm one of the people after all, with the amber waves of grain, and all that.  Now, if you'll excuse me, my butler is feeding me white truffles with roasted shark fin soup for lunch." 


"Romney is so out of touch with the American people," said Cindy Shelton, a 40-year old cashier who works at a local grocery store in Concord.  "I mean, seriously?  I'm not a zombie.  It's insulting to those of us who have to work long hours to pay the bills, and to zombies."

Grover Cleveland's zombie, who is running for President under the Zombie Libertarian Brain Party, sent in a statement to our office.  The letter, poorly written, had the word "brains" spelled out in in various fonts and text sizes.  It appeared the letters were written from blood.  A call was made to Grover Cleveland's office, but either a bad connection or a zombie eating the phone made getting a proper statement impossible. 

It will be interesting to see if the latest gaffe will hurt Romney's attempts to win the nomination.