Conversation with my Brain. Needs more Ice Cream.

Hey Brain.

Yes, Gus?

I’m kind of hungry.

Well, why don’t you eat something?

All fine and good, but what do I want to eat?

How about a cold can of beans?

Ooh, like that Rorschach guy from Watchmen? I don’t have a mask though. I suppose I could put a sock over my head and-

Oh shut up. I heard smart writer guys like us eat cold cans of beans.

You want to know who else ate cans of cold beans?

Abe Vigoda?

No! Hitler!

I thought he was a Vegetarian.

Beans are a vegetable, dumbass. Are you drinking or something? You seem highly distracted.

I was contemplating before you so abruptly ruined my train of thought.

You’re always contemplating. “Does God really exist? Is it possible to make a never-ending roll of toilet paper? We need to consider the ramifications of killing everything on earth with lasers. I want to be jabbed with a Q-tip.”

Why do I even bother talking to you?

Technically, you’re not really talking with me. Technically you’re just a thought in my head that-

Oh, Smeg off and go eat your cold pork and beans.

So what were you thinking about this time?

If you must pry..

Oh, I must! I must!

Have you ever considered the thought that maybe, someday, we’ll find a long term girlfriend?

Well, yeah. We’ve been on a lot of dates, but the women are either insane, or fans of country music, or can’t stand football.

Maybe we are being too picky.

I don’t think so. It’s one thing to have different hobbies, but I draw the line at country music.

Perhaps we worry too much about hobbies, and not enough about the person behind the hobbies.

I thought about that too, Brain. The way I see it, if the only thing we have in common is our desire to drink the occasional drink at a local pub, then it isn’t going to work out. I expect more than that when it comes to common themes.

Ok, so the girl who liked football, and was working out, and loved writing and reading..

Never called me back after I called her.

What about the women you’ve dated who have children? Most of them are really attractive, smart, etc..

Children are something I don’t want to deal with right now. With those women, especially since I tend to think long term with my relationships, the two are intertwined. Plus there was that insane one. ::shudder::

So are you saying it’s worthless to even try?

Of course not! I believe we’ll find that special woman soon. I’m in no rush.

Maybe you should stop being a pansy and ask more women out.

Maybe I should stab you with a spork!

Speaking of sporks, I’m hungry. Can we go to KFC?

Not on our diet.

Fine. Can of cold beans then…