Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Introduction: Oh Shit!

Here is the prologue to my novel. More coming tomorrow. Or the next day. Enjoy what I have so far, which isn't much.

But I'm getting tired and whiny. Enjoy!


Slaton could smell him. The musty scent of age and decay mixed with something sweet –cloves perhaps- mingled down the hallway into his room, viciously potent and alarming.

It didn’t hit Slaton immediately. He was busy working on something important, something revolutionary. Muse blared loudly through his computer speakers; a cigarette dangled from his chapped lips, ashes falling into his lap and keyboard, stinging his hands slightly; his phone sat next to his keyboard, beeping at him like a cat desperately whining for fresh cat food. Empty Funyon bags and half-empty Mountain Dew cans sat precariously on the edge of his particle board desk, waiting for the slightest shake to spill their contents onto the messy floor. His Oregon Trail “You have died of Dysentery” t-shirt that stuck to his skinny frame was stained with ash and Mountain Dew.

He didn’t care, and in fact, hardly noticed. Time and personal hygiene had become a blur to him as he feverishly typed his letter of warning, of prophecy, and an apology, to the world.

Almost done, Slaton thought to himself as he took a brief moment to rub his green-gray eyes, and pushed his messy blonde hair back from his brow. In the background, Mathew Bellamy swooned:

Is our secret safe tonight
and are we out of sight
Or will our world come tumbling down?
Will they find our hiding place
is this our last embrace
or will the walls start caving in?

Then, at that moment, the potent smell finally broke through his impenetrable wall of motive. Slaton went pale, as pale as Casper.

He is here, Slaton panicked. What the fuck is he doing here? God Dammit, he’ll ruin everything! Slaton stood up quickly, and went to close the door to his room.

A shoe managed to jam its way between the frame and door. A classic British wingtip shoe, made with aged leather that was faded gray with age, jutted its unwanted presence into Slaton’s room.

“Amusing, you little bastard,” growled the voice behind the shoe, “but it won’t do you any good,” Slaton had always thought the voice was a mix of Morgan Freeman and Krusty the Klown from The Simpsons.

No, no no no no! Dejected, Slaton opened the door, allowing his full vision of the person behind the shoe.

A large man, around 6 ft 3 inches tall, filled out the entirety of his suit with a muscular frame. The suit was a classic woolen suit that, like the shoes, was faded gray with age. It was almost impossible to gauge how old the suit was with just one look. Slaton got the image of a tailor in England, in the late 1800’s, working on the fabric, sewing on the three buttons for the jacket with delicate skill.

An impeccable white button up shirt was match with a blood red tie. Slaton could swear that in the right light, or right environment, he could see a smiley face shimmer on the tie. A white handkerchief, folded neatly into the breast pocket, managed to show the tip of a symbol, but it was too tucked in to see it all.

The last detail on the suit were the New York Yankees cufflinks, aged like the rest of the suit, an old gold and pearl-white.

The man wore a fedora, with a red ribbon. Under the hat, long brown hair was neatly pulled back into a braid.

His eyes, those eyes, are what scared Slaton the most, black as night, as black as they get, with constantly angry, arched eyebrows that sheared away any thoughts of ever pissing off this man.

His nose was slightly forked, with nostrils that flared when he spoke, lips that always seemed to be on the edge of sneering.

And the scar! Running thinly from one small ear to the next, along his cheekbones, right under his eyes and across the bridge of his nose, it startled Slaton with its brilliant, violent red sheen. It looked like a fresh wound days ago when Slaton met him, and it looked that way still.

Today he was clean shaven, Slaton noticed, and shuddered as the man walked into his room. The man contemptuously sighed as he looked around the filthy room, and sat down on Slaton’s full size bed that had no bottom sheet on it. Slaton took a seat in his computer chair, and prepared for the worst.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Fairly quiet week

Been a fairly quiet/busy/tiring week. I really haven't had time to work on much of anything, and then when I do have time I've been too tired to write.

Hopefully that should change this weekend. I hope to have the start to my novel this weekend.

Anyways, more happenings going on in a few days. Until then, Go Steelers!

Gus

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Here comes the Brain: Rebels are attacking the base!


Hey Gus...

What's happenin', Brain?

Oh, you know, listening to Muse, trying to decide whether I want another cup of coffee.. contemplating the fact that tomorrow we will be thirty years old. That's old, foshizzle.

No it's not. You're overreacting. And whining. You're also complaining about an arbitrary date.

Huh? How so?

Birthdays are just made up. I mean, look at dog years. How many years would we be in dog years?

Umm..133 years old.

Holy Hell! Time to collect Social Security, Bitches!
You idiot. First, you're not a dog, and secondly, you're not 133 years old.

Why do you have to piss on my parade?

I think the term is raining on your parade.

No, cause God like to pee all over my parades.

...That's disturbing. Anyways, what are you doing?

Playing Bejewled Blitz on Facebook.

...So you're procrastinating.

No, I'm playing a game. Duh.

Don't you have stuff to do today?

Eventually. It's not even 12:30 yet.

What does that have to do with anything? If you have stuff that needs doing, now's the time.

I'm not ready. Besides, you're over there, contemplating again. Contemplate this, drink that, shove this up.. whoops.. said to much.

You, sir, are disgusting.

Oh, come on. I'm just kidding.

Are you?

......

That's what I thought. Well, instead of farting around on Facebook, why don't we work on that story idea you have floating around in the ether?

Speaking of ether, I saw Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas on Hulu last night. Man, that is one screwed up movie.

Yeah, I was there. I had flashbacks, flashbacks of pure evil...

Bah. Our pot-smoking days were all in good fun.

You practically killed me.

No, I just made you less effective for a while. Now look at you! You can comprehend full sentences again, and even contemplate the universal properties of glue sticks.

Like gluing someone's buttcheeks together?

Exactly! See, that's knowledge you can use!

I'll make sure to put that on my resume. Anyways, let's make more coffee, and write a bit.

You're the boss.

If I'm the boss, how come I don't get a comfy chair?


Umm.. Rebel forces attacking our base! They stole our chair.

...Rebel Scum...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Pat Buchanan is an Assbag.



Good God..
Pat Buchanan, who is of course officially an asshat of epic proportions, decides to write an awful article about Hitler, and how Hitler really didn't want war.

Click here to read it.

Hey Pat, try reading up on history sometime. Here's what I know, without any current knowledge of WWII beyond what I have learned in basic college classes:

1. Hitler believed in war, and was planning his triumph of Eastern Europe in 1937, 2 years before Poland would collapse under the Blitzkrieg.

2. Hitler was a known liar. Time and time again he fell back on his word. His agreement with Russia to not attack as long as they stayed out of the European war is just one of many examples.

3. Hitler deserves absolutely no sympathy. History should NEVER look on his rise to power with any sympathetic light. History should learn from him, and try to never let history repeat itself.

Hitler never wanted peace. He wanted an empire like Rome, a German-led, 1000 year reich which would preserve the Perfect Race.

You, Pat, are an assbag of epic proportions.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Last post of the day...


For those who have not seen Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, I just started watching it this evening on Hulu.

Gotta say, pretty amusing. Plus it has Felicia Day! Mmm... Felicia Day.. again...

Gus News of the Day: August 30th


Gus is back, with a brand new edition!

..or, umm.. decided to post stupid/horrible news again.

Chris Rock would be disappointed.

The latest toy for girls? The Pole Dancer Doll.

Stay Classy, America.

Brain needs a break


Hey Gus... What are you doing?

Just got done watching Dr Tran. He’s a super action hero, if you didn’t know already.

That’s nice. Shouldn’t you be doing something productive?


Like what? Laborious homework? Laborious chores? Laborious labor longingly languishing low lest Lester learns of leotards with leopard leggings?

Sweet humping whales, what the Hell was that?


That’s what I call “originality,” my friend.

It’s diabolically stupid is what it is.


Why do you always insult me when I do something creative?

That wasn’t creative. You shat all over the English language and dry humped good taste like a horny English Terrier.


Did the dog use a condom at least?

Seriously, you need to stop talking now.


Fine…. What do you want then?

We need to work on our story.


Which one? The Skeletor story where he’s a philanthropist, the one where gigantic cats stomp around destroying Earth in the search for my catnip, or the story we tell the cops about where the bodies are.. oops.. I’ve said too much…


Umm, the first one. What’s the deal with the last one?


…Nothing. Movie I saw once. Starred Tara Reid, I think.


You would never purposely see a movie with her in it.


MST3K needs to do some recent movies.


I know, right? They could so make fun of Battlefield Earth, or Any of the horror movies to come out recently..


Or Schindler’s List.. Hee hee. So many opportunities for humor in that movie.


Ok, seriously. Your humor usually isn’t this bad, or insulting. Something going on that you’re not letting me in on?


…Well, I’m kind of tired. Maybe a little gassy. Do we have any Beano?


Might be up there next to your cologne in the bathroom.


Beano and coffee, friends at last!


So about the Skeletor story. How do you want it to start?


I’m thinking sexy intro with Evil-Lyn stripping in front of-


-Ok, I’m checking out for the rest of the eve. You should call your brother and play some Guitar Hero, since that doesn’t require a brain.


Hey, it’s hard to hit that damn orange button without you! I promise I won’t say anything derogatory or insulting for the next six hours.


Promise?


Promise.


Ok, good. Now what Tool songs do they have on that game?


Parabola, Vicarious and Schism. They really need Hooker with a Penis in this game.


Touché.