Mitt Romney's evil twin brother confuses public, causes problems for the Romney Campaign

SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Van Romney, Mitt Romney's evil twin brother, is to blame for the recent move to the center-right of the political spectrum, according to the Mitt Romney campaign.  According to the campaign incorrect instructions were emailed and printed out for the maps to the last two debates.  The plot was so complex that even the campaign's smartphones provided incorrect directions to the debate locations, though this could easily be blamed on Apple's poor Maps application.

"Mitt Romney is still against everything his evil stand-in brother said during the last two debates," a Romney spokesperson said on CNN.  "Van has an extreme amount of wealth and power thanks to his work at Bain Capital working with Mitt." 

Doctor's reports show that Van has what is called the "evil gene" which exists in about 1 percent of all twins born in the United States.  For a number of years he was hidden from the public, his family ashamed of his abundance of evil.  He was let out long enough to graduate from high school and go to Harvard to pursue his goals to become an evil corporate genius.  After graduating he spent years reading up on how to become an evil genius before his brother called and asked him to help start a new company. 

"I taught everything Mitt knows about being an evil corporate genius," Van said during a Facetime video conference call.  "How else can you explain his actions?  I taught him to bankrupt companies and rake in millions.  Did I get a thank you?  A fruit gift basket?  A spiral ham in the mail?  No.  I didn't get anything from him.  So now, it's my plan to ruin his persona so everyone can accuse him of lying about everything he has said for the last two years.  I will not fail!"  Van then laughed maniacally for thirty seconds before petting his evil cat and ending the call.

It is not known if Van will succeed in convincing the American public of this ruse.  What is known is recent polls suggest President Obama has maintained his leads in important swing states, suggesting that Van may get his wish in stunting the political goals of his brother, fulfilling his need to be evil. 

Why I'm voting for President Obama

This really shouldn't come as a surprise to most of you.  It's no secret that I'm a pretty liberal person on social and economic issues.  I don't think there is a Republican I have ever supported, and even the one Republican I didn't mind too badly (Jon Huntsman), I think that was only because he was a moderate Republican in Utah, which is rare. 

Even with that, there are things about our current President that I am less than thrilled about:

1.  No single-payer option in the health care overhaul.  Big mistake.
2.  Not fighting enough against a Congress hell-bent on stalling any bill coming out of the President's office.
3.  Waffling on immigration reform.
4.  Not fighting for the expiration of the Bush-era tax cuts, instead extending them.
5.  Assuming the Republicans would work with him to fix this country.
6.  Not coming out earlier to support the rights for Lesbians and Gays to marry. 

There are more, but those are the main issues I have with him.  Despite that, my vote has already been placed for him, and here's why:

I don't know who the Hell Mitt Romney is. 

Is he for supporting contraceptive rights?  Or is he not?  Is he pro-choice?  Or is he not?  Is he for tax cuts for the rich?  Or is he not? 

Mr. Romney has no scruples.  He has no spine.  He may be a moderate Republican, but the fact that he bowed down-and continues to bow down-to the extreme right makes me worry.  Literally every word he says can be contradicted by an earlier version of the same man. 

Now, I know politicians are allowed to change their opinions on things.  Time allows for opinions to grow and change.  The problem I have with Romney is that he will do and say ANYTHING to get elected. 

I fear a Romney presidency for the following reasons:

1.  I fear he would strip our natural resources at the expense of our wilderness areas.  There is little left in this country that doesn't have a road blazing through it, or an oil rig spouting out of it.  I think he would open every damn area he could just because he can, and guess what?  Because oil is a global commodity that is traded, the oil companies will be the benefactors of greater supply, not us.
2.  An economic plan that basically says, "Trust in me and more tax breaks!"  I fail to see how this is an economic plan.  I have more faith in Obama's more pragmatic approach which involves more of the middle class and small businesses and less tax breaks for corporations and the super-rich.
3.  His stance on women's issues.  No offense, but I will not trust someone whose religious beliefs essentially state the woman is to stay at home and raise the children.  Not to mention the binder gaffe, his desire to shut down federal funding for Planned Parenthood and his sudden Pro-life stance.  He may claim he cares about women, but I have to question, "how do you care?"
4.  Iran. I fear Romney would have us on the path toward war with Iran, which would be a terrible mistake.
5.  His stance on gay rights.  This is pretty obvious.  A Romney presidency would probably do everything to shut down any progressive actions taken on gay rights.

There are many more reasons, but ultimately I simply do not trust him.  I don't know what he would do because he has said anything and everything in the political spectrum to get where he is.

President Obama is far from perfect, but I would much rather trust the country with a person whose intelligence is matched by his wife, who cares deeply about his daughters, and who had to overcome so much to get where he is.  He is the perfect example of the American dream at work, and I hope this country will be smart enough to vote him back in office.

Thanks for reading.  Or not.