The sound of a jet engine rumbling
to life filled the slight silence. The
lights flickered off, followed by a ear-stabbing engine fly-by. Fireworks exploded in a fiery rage above and
around a gigantic screen on one side of the arena, splaying their sparks in
nearly every direction. The arena crowd
went crazy as a song could be heard above the sonic booms of the pyrotechnics,
something about being in a danger zone.
The bloated screen played a video with dizzying images of jets, jets
taking off, military salutes, a shirtless muscle-bound man posing in various
silly poses, and more jets.
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” an
announcer rumbled in a deep baritone voice, “Please welcome to the arena, the
reigning CWF Champion and Wrestler of the Year, SERGEANT BROOOOONSON!”
More fireworks as a man around six
feet tall walked out of the pyrotechnical show.
He sported a buzz cut hairdo, a lack of a neck, jet-blue speedos and
boots with gigantic tassels. He soaked
in the crowd noise as it rose to a near-deafening level. He walked down to the ring near where I was
sitting, saw me, winked and then hopped into the ring. He rose up on one of the corner posts and did
some strange symbol, which seemed to spur on the crowd even more.
The music changed to a jarring,
head-hurting death metal as images of a crocodile appeared on the screen. It appeared that the crocodile was also posing
in the same manner as Sergeant Bronson. The crowd started booing as the
announcer raised his lips to the microphone for a second time.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, please
welcome the challenger for tonight’s match: KING KRUUUUUSH!”
From under the gigantic monitor
came a 10-11 foot crocodile, rapidly running on all fours towards the
ring. The crowd booed the animal
mercilessly, and to King Krush’s credit he snapped his jaws in anger at a few
people. As the croc closed in near me I
saw blue war paint spread across his back and snout.
To my complete surprise, King Krush
pushed off his front legs and stood up on his hind legs, using his tail to balance. He then climbed into the ring as a referee
waddled into the center.
That’s right. My alternate self, “Sergeant Bronson,” was a
professional crocodile wrestler.
